Goodness Gaseous Me!

Do you… ugh… experience bloating and discomfort, excessive passing of wind and pain in the abdomen? Do you? You do, ugh? What a fart you are!

Do you even wonder how you came about being the chief architect of the ozone hole? Because of all the beans. And the cabbage, cauliflower, onions, fizz drinks and synthetic sweeteners.

It’s also because you swallow more air than you really need. Please you’re choking me. Could I also breathe in my fill, before they start selling it in bottles and charging it too? You can help by cutting out on smokes and chewing gum.

But minus the beans, cabbage, onions, fizz, cigarettes and gum it’s just the wide ocean out there and you. You might as well swim with the fishes than give up these! Go ahead my friend. Go full throttle with the emissions. I wouldn’t want to be the one to deny you the pleasure.

Perhaps you’d want to do something about the smell though.