Rx Gloom

Let’s suppose the drug stores in our locality dispensed Glum Pills over the counter that would make you morose and wretched in about twenty minutes of ingestion. And that there is a mad scramble for it. Everybody want’s it for their own reason. Would it be something like this one described below?

Your ‘ex’ is in town unannounced. She didn’t know she’d be coming until the last moment and then there wasn’t time for a grand announcement. But she’s in town now and you can’t keep a straight face. You’re all smiles and delicious anticipation.

As you’re shaving you catch yourself smiling ear to ear. When your wife walks in with tea it’s all you can do to feign nonchalance. But the wife, like all wives, reads something in your face. You see it in her eyes and you hastily yet slickly evade it. And catch yourself in the mirror again. “Eeeeks!”

“That me?” Why is my face all contorted into a… why do I look like something that deserted a cat’s chow bowl in a tearing hurry, you wonder, trying desperately to appear relaxed again, with that careless morning look.

“Are you ok darling?” Asks the concerned wife.

“Yeah! Just my acidity acting up darling. I’ll skip tea and have some water instead.” And you make a beeline for the kitchen, without turning back.

In office you’re all smiles again. The printer is out of cartridge. You’re smiling. Once the cartridge is in, you run out of paper. You’re smiling. You put the paper, wrong side in. But you’re smiling. She’s here! She’s here!

And then you force on a straight face again as you hear footsteps, but not before the approaching company wisecrack and clairvoyant sees another one of your desperate facial contortions and gives you an aha-so-she’s-in-town smile as he passes. “Sheeeet!” You tell yourself annoyed. “I can’t be this open story book that everyone can read.”

Lunchtime and you rush to the nearest drug store to get yourself the Glum Pill. But you’re wise for once. You keep it for after the meeting and get back home suitably morose. What a wonderful pill you tell yourself next morning. Doctor & Bramble have a good thing going there; bless them.